My Hard Drive Says It's Over...

There are plenty of ways to know when a relationship is over. Sometimes he stops calling. Other times you get in a shouting match in the middle of a busy street and vehemently exclaim that you've had enough. And still other times, if you're lucky enough, there are police and restraining orders involved.

The fine line we cross when we're truly over someone, however, is not so easy to see. Some of us burn everything that reminds us of that person to make it go away. Some of us cling to the memories and keep them in plain sight day after lonely day. And alas, there are others, like myself who hold onto the stuff because they honestly don't know what else to do with it.

In the case of my first relationship, this meant keeping a box of pictures numbering in the hundreds. I can't even remember the last time I looked at them, but I just never felt comfortable throwing away my memories (not to mention the paper and photo processing fees!) The memories of my more recent affairs remain preserved another way - on my hard drive.

Just like those $9.99, double print 1-hour Rite Aid developed special photographs of the first romance, I haven't really done anything with the memories plaguing my hard-drive since they've ended. This is possibly quite sad seeing as how I've been with my current beau for well over a year. Maybe I'm more sentimental than I think, but it's also quite possible that I'm eternally lazy.

While browsing my folder of files received via MSN messenger, I thought to myself: When is it time to delete this stuff? Or should I even take the time? And what should I delete? These questions aren't easy to answer, and I'm not sure I have the answers. Some I kept, and others I deleted.

The meaningless crushes? Bye-bye!
The crush who turned into a pretty awesome friend? He can stay.
The one who left the country when things threatened to get serious? Oh hell no. Deuces! (For the record: I don't mean left the country like he went backpacking in Europe, oh boy went to Palestine... Damn I must be scary!)

And then there were 2... Two loves, so similar, yet so different. Oddly enough, both from the same town half way around the globe. One, I loved first and last, the other some how punishing my heart in between. One made me believe in the power of love. The other taught me that love will never be able to conquer all. Both tested the boundaries of my interal capacity for love and pain.

It's been over 2 years since I got on that plane, but the JPEGs are an infrequent reminder of my inability to ever truly let go of anything. One I kept, and the other I deleted. I'm still friends with both of them, but for some odd reason, having pictures of one seemed like a completely fine and normal thing to do, but keeping pictures of the other felt dirty, shameful, and wrong.

One would think it would be easier to get rid of memories when all you have to do is click delete, but one would be wrong.